Happy Friday, college (and post-college) women! You survived another week of reading, classes, meetings, work, discussions, labs, and stress that often accompanies it all. I’m proud of you!
I’m putting together content for a super juicy call for you (expect an invite soon) on how to quell those thoughts in your brain that make you feel inferior to everyone around you-on campus, in class, e’rrywhere. Imma tell you how to tell those thoughts to GET OFF MY JOCK (my new fave saying, courtesy of Bethenny Frankel).
While putting together the content for the call, I was reminded about something my yoga teacher told us in class this week.
The person next to you isn’t attainable. Only your best self is attainable.
Let that sink in.
This idea means that you will never be exactly like someone else, someone who you perceive as better-smarter, thinner, more fun, more successful, cooler-than you. You will never be like that person…because they aren’t you! You can’t control what that person thinks, says, or does.
The only thing you CAN control and attain is your best possible self. You don’t need to worry about what someone else is doing or what someone else’s life looks like because you cannot attain exactly who they are or what they have…because they’re them and you’re you. But what IS attainable is your best self. I know sounds heady and discouraging.
But when I marinate in the idea that the person next to me isn’t attainable; only my best self is attainable, my body relaxes and my comparison thoughts release their grip on my mind. I remember that the only thing I have control of is myself and my choices. I can’t control the person who is making me feel inferior or triggered in some way, so I have to let them go and stop comparing myself to them. From that space, I can make choices that move me closer to my goals, to the best version of myself.
For example, when I was in college, I compared my body to every single girl around me (read more about that here). I would go to parties and feel insecure around girls who were thinner than me. But if I say to myself, the person next to me isn’t attainable; only my best self is attainable, maybe I would’ve taken a deep breath and made a choice that brought me closer to my best self. Maybe I would’ve focused more of my attention on the friends I was with to be super present with them. Maybe I would’ve told myself that I loved myself. Maybe I would’ve gone out on the dance floor. Since I couldn’t control the other girls and guys around me-what they did or thought-then I might as well have focused on what I could’ve done to be the best ME possible.
Try this out! Here’s what I want you to do this weekend. Whenever you start to compare your life, body, success, etc. to someone else, say to yourself: the person next to me isn’t attainable; only my best self is attainable. Notice your mental and physical reaction. Maybe you relax. Maybe you soften. You will feel a shift of some kind, a lift.
I wanna hear from you!
What do you usually compare yourself to others about?